Sunday, June 20, 2010
Pole dancing and chatting
Strangely enough I hadn't crashed out of Second Life during the weekend but was still dancing on the same pole as when I left. When I returned I was very happy to see my friend c dancing on the pole next to me at Mistress W's place. We had a long discussion about how real-life and Second Life issues affect each other, especially when it comes to relationships. Later my friend P joined in as well, and my guardian M also dropped by to park his avatar for the night. That was about all that happened before it was time for me to go away from keyboard for some sleep.
Magic lost
Delayed post from Saturday, June 19, 2010, owing to Internet outage.
Immersion. Things unreal becoming your reality. Things in your head becoming so physical you can sense them, feel them, smell them, taste them, hear them. Imagination or hallucination? Dream or delusion?
Before, I couldn't stop from immersing in Second Life. What happened in-world made an as strong impact on me as if it had happened in real life. Things that scared me in real life scared me in Second Life. Things that made me uncomfortable in real life made me uncomfortable in Second Life as well.
Lately I feel that has started to change. When I've played with people, immersion has not come automatically, but I've had to try and suggest or force myself into it. And I haven't even really done it for my own sake, for my longing after that reality, but because I've wanted to please the ones I've played with, to give them the "full" me.
More than once it's felt more or less silly in the end, looking at a bunch of pixels supposed to resemble myself, shaped by graphical additions supposed to resemble ropes and cuffs, into something that would be exciting and desirable real-life. Yes, the excitement has been there, my fingers have been inside my panties even, but I haven't lived it the way I used to.
I try to tell myself that the change really isn't a change, but just depends on the circumstances lately. I'm not owned, I haven't found anyone worthy of my immersion and full submission, no-one with the personality or ways that sends me down into immersion and whirling out into subspace. Looking back, the immersion and submission I experienced before still feels real and not just some role-playing, and that gives me some hope. But I more and more doubt I will ever get back to that lovely and desirable state again.
Still, my needs are so strong that I can't stop trying at least. And my urge to please are strong enough to try my best to hide my disappointment and frustration every time I find myself looking at a mess of pixels instead of raveling in immersion and drifting in subspace. But when I stand back and look at it, I can't help but wondering how much longer I will find it worthwhile even trying, how much longer before Second Life turns into just some graphically glorified chat for me, a mean just to keep in touch with the few real friends I have here. And that is a sad thought, at least as long as the memories of something much more lingers.
Immersion. Things unreal becoming your reality. Things in your head becoming so physical you can sense them, feel them, smell them, taste them, hear them. Imagination or hallucination? Dream or delusion?
Before, I couldn't stop from immersing in Second Life. What happened in-world made an as strong impact on me as if it had happened in real life. Things that scared me in real life scared me in Second Life. Things that made me uncomfortable in real life made me uncomfortable in Second Life as well.
Lately I feel that has started to change. When I've played with people, immersion has not come automatically, but I've had to try and suggest or force myself into it. And I haven't even really done it for my own sake, for my longing after that reality, but because I've wanted to please the ones I've played with, to give them the "full" me.
More than once it's felt more or less silly in the end, looking at a bunch of pixels supposed to resemble myself, shaped by graphical additions supposed to resemble ropes and cuffs, into something that would be exciting and desirable real-life. Yes, the excitement has been there, my fingers have been inside my panties even, but I haven't lived it the way I used to.
I try to tell myself that the change really isn't a change, but just depends on the circumstances lately. I'm not owned, I haven't found anyone worthy of my immersion and full submission, no-one with the personality or ways that sends me down into immersion and whirling out into subspace. Looking back, the immersion and submission I experienced before still feels real and not just some role-playing, and that gives me some hope. But I more and more doubt I will ever get back to that lovely and desirable state again.
Still, my needs are so strong that I can't stop trying at least. And my urge to please are strong enough to try my best to hide my disappointment and frustration every time I find myself looking at a mess of pixels instead of raveling in immersion and drifting in subspace. But when I stand back and look at it, I can't help but wondering how much longer I will find it worthwhile even trying, how much longer before Second Life turns into just some graphically glorified chat for me, a mean just to keep in touch with the few real friends I have here. And that is a sad thought, at least as long as the memories of something much more lingers.
A little help
Delayed post from Friday, June 18, 2010, owing to Internet outage.
This morning I entered Second Life at Mistress W's place, where I left my avatar dancing the night before. The sim her place is in had not crashed again, so both my guardian M and I was still there, even if M probably was still asleep real-life when I woke up.
It actually developed into quite a nice morning, with in total 8 persons there simultaneously: M, Mistress W's maid, my friend c and another girl of Mistress W both joining me on the dance poles, Sir K, a Mistress and her girl from Sir R's place, and me. I was especially glad that c joined me, since she really seemed to enjoy it despite being ill. I think she might have needed the distraction, and she even stayed on after I needed to leave for real-life work.
It's a pity I can't keep the routine up during the weekend, but real-life has to come first. I think we could have kept quite a party going at Mistress W's place to help her stressing her lag problems. But as it is now I suspect the sim will crash again soon so my avatar will be logged out. But hopefully some others can help keep the routine going. If not, I will try to restart it when I return on Sunday afternoon.
I really enjoyed trying to entertain and make people comfortable, chatting and joking with them. It also felt OK exposing myself the way I did on the dance pole, in only corset, stockings, heel, shackles, belt with plugs, and sometimes a gag. I've been a bit hesitant about that for the last month or so, but doing it for a good cause, trying to lure people to stay a little while longer, justified it.
I might suggest Mistress W to try and make some kind of regular club nights with music and dance, even when her need of stressing the lag problem hopefully is solved. For the time being I will at least try to help her out some with the lag problem, and hopefully I can get some friends to help as well, like M, c and Miss s did now.
This morning I entered Second Life at Mistress W's place, where I left my avatar dancing the night before. The sim her place is in had not crashed again, so both my guardian M and I was still there, even if M probably was still asleep real-life when I woke up.
It actually developed into quite a nice morning, with in total 8 persons there simultaneously: M, Mistress W's maid, my friend c and another girl of Mistress W both joining me on the dance poles, Sir K, a Mistress and her girl from Sir R's place, and me. I was especially glad that c joined me, since she really seemed to enjoy it despite being ill. I think she might have needed the distraction, and she even stayed on after I needed to leave for real-life work.
It's a pity I can't keep the routine up during the weekend, but real-life has to come first. I think we could have kept quite a party going at Mistress W's place to help her stressing her lag problems. But as it is now I suspect the sim will crash again soon so my avatar will be logged out. But hopefully some others can help keep the routine going. If not, I will try to restart it when I return on Sunday afternoon.
I really enjoyed trying to entertain and make people comfortable, chatting and joking with them. It also felt OK exposing myself the way I did on the dance pole, in only corset, stockings, heel, shackles, belt with plugs, and sometimes a gag. I've been a bit hesitant about that for the last month or so, but doing it for a good cause, trying to lure people to stay a little while longer, justified it.
I might suggest Mistress W to try and make some kind of regular club nights with music and dance, even when her need of stressing the lag problem hopefully is solved. For the time being I will at least try to help her out some with the lag problem, and hopefully I can get some friends to help as well, like M, c and Miss s did now.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Nice lag issues
I spent some of my time this morning finishing a little gift for Miss t. Or rather a prototype for it since I don't know if it will work for her and if she'll like it. Just when I was finished I had a message from my manager at work about where she could find a good rope gag, and since I have one of those myself I could help her by getting a landmark to a place selling it and send to her.
When I went over to Mistress W's place, I first met an old acquaintance of mine there, a switch girl, who I had a nice chat with, and just after she had left, Mistress W's cute little maid appeared. She kept me company until first Sir K and later Miss t appeared as well. We were standing around chatting and joking before us girl went away to try and catch a freebie maid’s uniform at a shop. We looked around some in the mall before we went back to the poor Sir K who we just left behind.
We girls, including another girl who joined, chatted some more before it was time for me to prepare for real-life work.
When I got home from real-life work, I entered Second Life again after taking hand of a few real-life issues. I never got the freebie maid uniform despite being told I had, so I took a quick turn past the shop and registered for another copy of it.
Then I went straight to Mistress W's place again, to help her with the continued investigation of her lag issues. Basically that meant me dressing down on one of her dance poles to keep visitors a bit longer and see how that affected lag. While I was there I first had company my Mistress W's maid, then Miss s and finally my friend c. The sim actually crashed from lag while Miss s was there, so I guess my help in investigating the lag issue at least showed some result.
c and I had a nice chat while we both danced away at the poles, but unfortunately I needed to call it a night much too early because of previous lack of sleep and a few more real-life things I needed to handle.
When I went over to Mistress W's place, I first met an old acquaintance of mine there, a switch girl, who I had a nice chat with, and just after she had left, Mistress W's cute little maid appeared. She kept me company until first Sir K and later Miss t appeared as well. We were standing around chatting and joking before us girl went away to try and catch a freebie maid’s uniform at a shop. We looked around some in the mall before we went back to the poor Sir K who we just left behind.
We girls, including another girl who joined, chatted some more before it was time for me to prepare for real-life work.
When I got home from real-life work, I entered Second Life again after taking hand of a few real-life issues. I never got the freebie maid uniform despite being told I had, so I took a quick turn past the shop and registered for another copy of it.
Then I went straight to Mistress W's place again, to help her with the continued investigation of her lag issues. Basically that meant me dressing down on one of her dance poles to keep visitors a bit longer and see how that affected lag. While I was there I first had company my Mistress W's maid, then Miss s and finally my friend c. The sim actually crashed from lag while Miss s was there, so I guess my help in investigating the lag issue at least showed some result.
c and I had a nice chat while we both danced away at the poles, but unfortunately I needed to call it a night much too early because of previous lack of sleep and a few more real-life things I needed to handle.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Revisiting
This morning I made my first "official" visit to Mistress W's place since I left there almost 3 months ago. It was Mistress W who invited me, or at least sent me a teleport invite, to try and help her with some lag issues and examine the effects from scripted attachments on it. I went through part of my collection of scripted BDSM toys while doing so, and Mistress W, a new girl of hers and me had a few laughs while I did.
I've learned my lesson not to leave any keys on my restraints but some of my restraints probably haven't been used since before I learned that lesson. Of course Mistress W noticed one such mistake and before I knew it she had my feet locked. She was kind enough not to take any real advantage of it though so it was OK.
Before I had to leave for real life, I tried some forced maid service installation Mistress W had constructed. Basically it meant having to run around like crazy to dust things and having abilities blocked one by one if one wasn't fast enough. Of course I wasn't fast enough but time ran out before I found myself like some helpless and nude package tucked away in some hole at least.
I guess if it hadn't been for mainly the lag complicating things and me refusing to perform badly even when I'm doomed before hand owing to too tight time frames at least for a beginner in that maid's game, I might even have enjoyed it some. As it was now it was just stress to me, and I didn't even have time to notice details, like funny comments as my abilities were blocked from me, until I looked through my logs afterwards.
Miss t showed up in the middle of it all, tightly tied and with huge breasts that were just begging to become tightly tied with lots of rope. She seemed a bit nervous when I commented upon it though, but I think my description of what I would do to such a pair of beautifully tied up breasts made her somewhat ambivalent. Unfortunately I had to run to get to my real-life job then, before we could elaborate more on it.
This evening things were really slow. It was totally empty at Sir R's place when I was there, but I messaged very shortly with my friends P and c who were out shopping. I started out on a little building project I have been thinking on for some time now but finally got the inspiration to begin with just the other day. I actually managed to get a first version of it done and working today already and felt a bit proud of myself. It's nothing really worth presenting yet though.
After a new visit to Sir R's place, where there were now some people, including my friend p who was away from keyboard, I decided to call it an early night.
I've learned my lesson not to leave any keys on my restraints but some of my restraints probably haven't been used since before I learned that lesson. Of course Mistress W noticed one such mistake and before I knew it she had my feet locked. She was kind enough not to take any real advantage of it though so it was OK.
Before I had to leave for real life, I tried some forced maid service installation Mistress W had constructed. Basically it meant having to run around like crazy to dust things and having abilities blocked one by one if one wasn't fast enough. Of course I wasn't fast enough but time ran out before I found myself like some helpless and nude package tucked away in some hole at least.
I guess if it hadn't been for mainly the lag complicating things and me refusing to perform badly even when I'm doomed before hand owing to too tight time frames at least for a beginner in that maid's game, I might even have enjoyed it some. As it was now it was just stress to me, and I didn't even have time to notice details, like funny comments as my abilities were blocked from me, until I looked through my logs afterwards.
Miss t showed up in the middle of it all, tightly tied and with huge breasts that were just begging to become tightly tied with lots of rope. She seemed a bit nervous when I commented upon it though, but I think my description of what I would do to such a pair of beautifully tied up breasts made her somewhat ambivalent. Unfortunately I had to run to get to my real-life job then, before we could elaborate more on it.
This evening things were really slow. It was totally empty at Sir R's place when I was there, but I messaged very shortly with my friends P and c who were out shopping. I started out on a little building project I have been thinking on for some time now but finally got the inspiration to begin with just the other day. I actually managed to get a first version of it done and working today already and felt a bit proud of myself. It's nothing really worth presenting yet though.
After a new visit to Sir R's place, where there were now some people, including my friend p who was away from keyboard, I decided to call it an early night.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Making friends
This morning I met Miss t for the first time in ages when I visited Sir R's place. She was at play with one of the slave girls there and doing an as thorough job as I remember her doing back when we both were Mistress W's girls. You can't do much but stand mesmerized when she's "at work" and don't know if you should feel sorry for or be envious of her "victim". Her fantastic emoting skills would probably put you in a trance so you wouldn't bother about which in her hands though.
I finally got my courage up and begged her to accept an offer to come back on my friends list and when she accepted it I couldn't help bursting into tears. I did her so wrong those months ago when I removed her from that list and I'm so grateful she could forgive me enough to come back on it. I had to leave for real-life work soon after that, and even if I managed to steal a hug from Sir R on my way out it didn't feel all that important to Miss t's friendship.
When I returned to Second Life this evening I had received a message from Mistress I about further developments on my issue with the former Sir M. Even if the development seems to be good in the eyes of Mistress I, I would rather see that it's just done with though.
I also met Miss F, the girl I once helped with her locked cuffs, at Sir R's place. We ended up in some kind of negotiation about possible future playing, but unfortunately it was cut short by ringing phones and dinners real-life. I like her and feel I can trust her, and she seems interested in me, so it's possible something might happen there some time.
While I was writing this, I exchanged a few messages with Mistress W about her land problems, and it seems like she has some ideas to deal with them, I really hope she manages. Now I'm dead tired from much too little sleep and today’s activities real-life, so I'll sign off early and go to bed.
I finally got my courage up and begged her to accept an offer to come back on my friends list and when she accepted it I couldn't help bursting into tears. I did her so wrong those months ago when I removed her from that list and I'm so grateful she could forgive me enough to come back on it. I had to leave for real-life work soon after that, and even if I managed to steal a hug from Sir R on my way out it didn't feel all that important to Miss t's friendship.
When I returned to Second Life this evening I had received a message from Mistress I about further developments on my issue with the former Sir M. Even if the development seems to be good in the eyes of Mistress I, I would rather see that it's just done with though.
I also met Miss F, the girl I once helped with her locked cuffs, at Sir R's place. We ended up in some kind of negotiation about possible future playing, but unfortunately it was cut short by ringing phones and dinners real-life. I like her and feel I can trust her, and she seems interested in me, so it's possible something might happen there some time.
While I was writing this, I exchanged a few messages with Mistress W about her land problems, and it seems like she has some ideas to deal with them, I really hope she manages. Now I'm dead tired from much too little sleep and today’s activities real-life, so I'll sign off early and go to bed.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Play and lessons learned
You realize your getting desperately frustrated when you find yourself standing gawking mesmerized at other subs being taken care of by their own and various other dom/mes at BDSM playgrounds. Today it feels like I spent half my time in Second Life doing that.
Apart from that I spent a short time with my friends P and c while P tried to learn flying something she won in a contest before I managed to finally go to bed.
When I woke up again I went to Sir R's place to find my friends c, Mistress W and Sir N there. I think Mistress W was there because of some severe problems with lag one of her neighbours create with an over-populated sex club. Anyway, we chatted and had some fun, and P joined for a short while as well.
I found out there is a limit to how much teasing certain dommes can take when I found myself with two bull-whip welts across my ass for having wiggled it a little bit too much at Sir N. A slight association slip with my ponytail gave me the inspiration to quickly slip into my ponygirl outfit, and I think that quite literally saved both my butt and me from becoming a (striped) zebra without my own doing.
I admit I had those lashes coming, but a bullwhip from a cold start is a bit too harsh for me, so I guess I'll refrain from giving Sir N another excuse to bring it to me. It was a lot more fun prancing around like his ponygirl like I did afterwards despite my stinging butt. Unfortunately I had to cut it short to prepare for my real-life job.
Today I decided to test my new mobile Internet by bringing my private laptop to my real-life job and use the lunch break to surf Second Life some. At Sir R's place I met my friend c again and Sir R himself. Sir R seemed less stressed and distract than usual and he took the time to set up his riding horse so I could ride it like I had before but not been able to for some time. I also saw his ant pits in use for the first time, even in there seemed to be some technical problems with the cage with the victim to be lowered into the ant-pit, because it only went half the way down and stopped at the waist instead of the neck.
When I got home from work, I met Miss s at Sir R's place, but since it was nothing happening there we took a tour around some other BDSM places she knew off. It ended with her having a 2 hour session in suspension with a lot of tease and pleasure, spiced up with a little bit of fear. Afterwards I had some real-life things I needed to tend to, so we parted.
Back at Sir R's place I sat gawking at a Mistress, a switch and a sub having an immensely intense conversation in invisible messages, unless they all were just AFK. After the Mistress had left, the switch and sub actually came up and said hi. They turned out to be from the same "clan" as one of my old slave sisters at Sir R's place. It ended with us having a long discussion about breast bondage and me showing of some of the creations I have on that theme.
When we were almost done, my friend c showed up again. I ended the evening together with her discussing relational problems both in real life, Second Life and the intersection of the two. Then it was very late and just time to write this blog before bedtime.
Apart from that I spent a short time with my friends P and c while P tried to learn flying something she won in a contest before I managed to finally go to bed.
When I woke up again I went to Sir R's place to find my friends c, Mistress W and Sir N there. I think Mistress W was there because of some severe problems with lag one of her neighbours create with an over-populated sex club. Anyway, we chatted and had some fun, and P joined for a short while as well.
I found out there is a limit to how much teasing certain dommes can take when I found myself with two bull-whip welts across my ass for having wiggled it a little bit too much at Sir N. A slight association slip with my ponytail gave me the inspiration to quickly slip into my ponygirl outfit, and I think that quite literally saved both my butt and me from becoming a (striped) zebra without my own doing.
I admit I had those lashes coming, but a bullwhip from a cold start is a bit too harsh for me, so I guess I'll refrain from giving Sir N another excuse to bring it to me. It was a lot more fun prancing around like his ponygirl like I did afterwards despite my stinging butt. Unfortunately I had to cut it short to prepare for my real-life job.
Today I decided to test my new mobile Internet by bringing my private laptop to my real-life job and use the lunch break to surf Second Life some. At Sir R's place I met my friend c again and Sir R himself. Sir R seemed less stressed and distract than usual and he took the time to set up his riding horse so I could ride it like I had before but not been able to for some time. I also saw his ant pits in use for the first time, even in there seemed to be some technical problems with the cage with the victim to be lowered into the ant-pit, because it only went half the way down and stopped at the waist instead of the neck.
When I got home from work, I met Miss s at Sir R's place, but since it was nothing happening there we took a tour around some other BDSM places she knew off. It ended with her having a 2 hour session in suspension with a lot of tease and pleasure, spiced up with a little bit of fear. Afterwards I had some real-life things I needed to tend to, so we parted.
Back at Sir R's place I sat gawking at a Mistress, a switch and a sub having an immensely intense conversation in invisible messages, unless they all were just AFK. After the Mistress had left, the switch and sub actually came up and said hi. They turned out to be from the same "clan" as one of my old slave sisters at Sir R's place. It ended with us having a long discussion about breast bondage and me showing of some of the creations I have on that theme.
When we were almost done, my friend c showed up again. I ended the evening together with her discussing relational problems both in real life, Second Life and the intersection of the two. Then it was very late and just time to write this blog before bedtime.
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