BDSM and me

BDSM (binding, bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism and masochism or sadomasochism) to me is a mainly sexual variation that adds necessary and extra pleasure to my sex life but also some joy to other parts of my life. It's nothing dark or destructive to me but a source of joy and happiness. I indulge in it because it makes me feel good and not because I think I deserve no better or to punish myself. I've never accepted abusive partners neither in BDSM nor in other relationships. Hence I choose to color my tale of it in bright colors instead of coloring it black as so many other tellers of it do.

My interests in BDSM can be split up in three separate parts but interacting to form a unity.

I like to please and make people happy. The closer they are to me and the more I care about them, the higher the price I am willing to pay to achieve that. For those I really love there is no sacrifice in leaving all my own needs and desires behind to feel the satisfaction in being able to satisfy them to the best of my ability.

I like to submit and give up control. I'm discriminating in who I give up control to though. Trust is the keyword and those who have earned my trust have privileges with me beyond what many may understand. Even if their decisions may cause me real discomfort my trust in them usually makes me accept it in the firm belief it will all be for the best in the end.

I'm a masochist regarding many both physical and mental sensations. Some discomforts turn me on even from a cold start while most craves at least some level of excitement already present to further add to it. In the right amount, severity, situation, company and state of mind they can make me fly into that lovely mental state I call subspace while if wrong they may cause me nothing but real and intolerable agony.

What I like and can tolerate or not in BDSM vary much depending on the factors above: amount, severity, situation, company and state of mind. Some things that appeals to me most of the time are strict and strenuous bondage preferably with ropes, breast bondage, gags, plugs, clamps and sexual use.

Although my interest in BDSM has been with me since I was pre-teen my real-life experience is confined to three rather late and intense years of experimenting and experiencing. Now circumstances prevent me from indulging in it real-life save for some self-bondage and that's why I now seek that element in its virtual form in Second Life.

I didn't come to Second Life for BDSM or other sexual play but because I became fascinated with its creative potential. For months I just wandered around mesmerized by all the fantastic creations I saw: landscapes, buildings, art, avatar, clothes and anything anyone can think of. Then I started trying to create things myself but with very poor result because it was much too complex for me. That failure together with the fact that I was saturated with everything I'd seen and started to recognize much of the same wherever I went made me start to lose interest in Second Life.

I had become a very sparse visitor and thought about leaving Second Life entirely when a friend who had helped me out from the start showed me some BDSM items he had created. I became curious rather than really interested since phone sex and cyber sex had never appealed to me before. After helping him trying out some of the things he created and seeing some other people play with similar things I decided to see what it was about anyway and started hanging out in some places with people into that kind of games.

I was surprised how attached I got to some of the people I was in touch with. When I for the first times tried some serious play I got even more surprised from how I and my body responded. The feelings and reactions I experienced was much like the ones I had experienced while doing BDSM in real life and in many cases I remembered so strongly the physical sensations from then that it felt like I had been subjected to it real-life again.

Although I've never considered and still don't consider myself a lesbian my first serious partner in Second Life became another girl. We were friends and I became her sexual toy as well. Our games often took such turns that I could hardly distinguish virtuality from reality and my affection for her grew immensely until she was my Mistress who didn't just control my online time and behavior but much offline as well. Despite she was sometimes really cruel to me in our games she hurt me the most when she left me without any explanation and ended our friendship for no reason I could see.

After my first Mistress abandoned me I almost left Second Life again. But the urge for the virtual sexual games finally became so strong I returned to experience them again. I played with many different people in many different places and with many different scenarios but none was very satisfying. During a trial week as fulltime slave at a playground I unexpectedly found someone who brought back those lovely feelings I had experienced again. She later became my best friend and my beloved Mistress and has opened up her world of family and friends to me and has given me the first place where I really feel at home since I came to Second Life.

I love and cherish my Mistress more than I ever imagined I could with someone I only ever met over the Internet. She fulfills so many of my needs and desires. I have also found several dear friends in her family and among other people around her. I treasure every minute with my Mistress whether it brings company, chat, soft and mischievous play or cruel and wicked games, alone with her or together with others. Although being strict at times she is also very caring and can also be forgiving when I manage to mess up again and again and by now that has started to bring me the safe and warm feeling that I will stay owned by her for a long time.

So that's where I am now, in love and loved, owned and cared for by who is probably one of the very best Mistresses in Second Life, permitted to fulfill my desires by trying to please, submit and be the victim of lovely torture from time to time, and with lovely friends around me. That is what I want to share in this blog.