Sunday and Monday

Sunday afternoon I was invited to Mistress C's castle and it was very nice to see her again. I also met her pet n, a very sweet and fun kitten girl with whom I connected well. We chatted some, and then Mistress C wanted some snapshots of herself and n, n and me, and finally herself and me. I think she really starts to see me as a potential family member, but even if I really like her and n, I'm still not sure if it's right for me when I feel I'm ready to commit again. I guess time will tell.

Mistress C and her pet n at their castle


When I later went to Sir R's playground, I found Sir R himself there. I decided to take the chance to ask him back on my friends list, where I lost him in the turmoil when Mistress W and I broke up. He accepted, but disappeared teleporting away, logging out or crashing before I managed to finish the befriending. But at least I know he's willing now, so hopefully I can catch him later to finish it.

n and me at Mistress C's castle


I also met Miss s "on duty" at Sir R's place, welcoming and helping visitors. I decided to kneel by her side, in one of my more provocative outfits including cuffs, gag and obedience belt, to make her look good with a pet by her side. Despite she's probably no more domme than I am, and tries to play with me solely to please me, I think I triggered something in her, because she wanted me on a leash and crawling after her like a dog. I complied willingly, and later she took me to another rather crowded playground for some public exposure and play. There we also met Miss m from my job by pure coincident I think. The lag was so bad though that she was gone before I managed to say hi to her, and soon Miss s had to leave for real-life as well, so I decided to go to bed.

Mistress C and me at her castle


Monday morning I spent some time at Sir R's place again, even if it was almost empty there. I messaged some with my friend c, who was really in a bad mood because of illness, and my attempts to cheer her up didn't help much I'm afraid. I spent the rest of the morning at my job and invited my friend k there, since she was as lonely and bored as I was without her Sir K. We looked around at some of the dungeons and play areas at my job, where she managed to get caught by her RLV relay, before she needed to leave for real life.

I stayed a while longer at my job and got the chance to help a couple of visitors out in explaining how RLV, relays and the play areas worked. I actually think my own lack of technical knowledge helps some in those situations, since I can't explain things any more complicated than what I can grasp myself. That seems to be appreciated by at least some visitors. Just before I decided to call it a morning and prepare for real-life work, I saw my guardian M come online, and I got the chance to say good morning to him before I left.

Monday evening I spent most of the time with my friend P talking about this and that. Firs we tried to help a common friend who had gotten herself locked up, but without much success. Our common friend s showed up as well but we parted when P needed to leave for sleep. Afterwards I messaged some with my friends d and p while I sat alone at Sir R's place. I also chatted some with a new slave who showed up there and ran into the girl P and I tried to help before. In the end I managed to show her how she could reset her cuffs to make them unlock, since she didn't seem to mind cheating like that.

Always friends?

Today I was thinking about to blog about being introduced into the house of someone who wants you to become part of their family, about friends violating themselves trying to please you, or about how Second Life and real life interacts in a way that make them inseparable despite all those who claims they keep Second Life and real life separated.

But I will save you that babbling for now. I just want to remind you of the friends you have around you, the ones you may take for granted without really caring about them and the ones you might not always see when they need you. The ones you may dump in the trash can like some spent goods just because they're no fun at the moment being there for you and being a laugh for you. Just try to remember that next time that disposed former friend may very well be you...

Hey I'm a GURL!

Howdy mates! Sorry Ah've been keepin' out on yah all for so long but now dah word is finally out! As of Thursday mornin', Ah'm officially a gurl, i.e. a guy actin' as a gal! Sorry Ah didn't tell yah in mah blog then already but is must've slipped mah mind! Just before Ah was about to sign off then Ah met this mate who was bright enough to see straight through dah clevah disguise Ah've been foolin' dah rest of yah suckas and maddahfuckas with. That is, he wasn't clever 'nuff to see it straight away but it took him a few minutes' chat before dah gig was up.

He came on to me with this big "Master" tag above his head and it jus' melted mah heart to see what a suckah to seduce. But sumthin' went wrong then because Ah wasn't fast 'nuff to hand my keys ovah to him when he requested 'em. When Ah tried in mah overly girlish way to apologize that Ah wasn't prepared to hand them ovah to a total stranger, he snapped and started a real bitchin' about it. He finally said he wouldn't play with me anyway unless Ah proved to him Ah was a real gal. Now, since Ah'm pretendin' to be a gal, Ah had to play Ah was too shy to wiggle my dick on cam for him, and since Ah had had way too much whiskey and smoked way too many cigars, Ah doubted Ah'd pass a voice verification neither.

That was when our golden-star boy made dah official announcement that Ah'm a gurl! Hey, give dah mate a hand, because here Ah've been foolin' some of yah suckas and maddahfuckas for months while this mate was bright enough to see through it in minutes! If dah mate hadn't been half-way around dah world, Ah would've invited him to share mah whiskey, cigars and even let him suck mah cock!

Ah still think Ah did great though! Ah managed to keep it up for some 10 months since Ah started foolin' suckas and maddahfuckas in Second Life. Before that Ah sat most of my days and nights jus' gawkin' and droolin' at mah sexy alter ego on screen and jackin' off so Ah kept sprayin' dah screen and keyboard so bad they almost short-circuited and had to wipe dah screen so Ah could see mahself and start jackin' again.

So all yah mates 'n girlfriends out there, dah next time yah taste mah clit and thinks it's oversized or yah wonder why Ah don't giggle in dah right places or use dah right cute words, yah all know why. Now Ah'm gonna go have me a leak and see if Ah can spray dah word "GURL" on dah WC wall or if Ah need more beer for that to be finished. Have fun all yah fellow gurls and mates out there while yah make belief yah screwin' dah real opposite sex.

(A very special thanks to that very special someone who almost killed me with laughter while helping out with this revelation!)

Business and pleasure

The visit to Sir R's place this morning didn't give much. There were a few people there who were new to me, but non of them appealed to me enough to make me bother and try to greet them. I guess I got irritated yesterday with someone who automatically assumed I would submit to her just because I am submissive and she tried to play dominant. So the tags screaming "Master" and "Mistress" above the heads of two of the visitors discouraged me more than a little today.

It was calm when I came to my job as well, but visitors dropped by every now and then, and some of them turned out very nice to chat some with. One Mistress sported some belly jewelry that she wanted me to touch, and it turned out to be Xcite! compatible, but not before she also put her Xcite! clit on. After that her accompanying slave girl and I did our level best on the Mistress, caressing, kissing, licking and playing with her jewelry and belly until she peaked and I backed off to let her own slave finish her off with a multiple orgasm.

me in my new nisei oh designs latex outfit 09 Delicious at my job


Another somewhat odd couple with what I first didn't realize was a Mistress and a Chinese slave girl also came and asked me to show them some of the playgrounds. I took them to a shibari garden, and the Mistress wanted me to show on her slave how the RLV and relays worked. I tried to comply, but either the relay was set up wrong, or the slave didn't know how to handle it, because the devices never managed top grab the slave. In the end she put herself on the devices manually, and the Mistress requested I'd do the same.

me in my new nisei oh designs latex outfit 09 Delicious at my job


While I was hanging in a vulnerable shibari suspension, the Mistress went to work on me, but very gently with fingers and mouth. She really got me going good, and after some teasing she gave me permission to cum for her. I have to admit I faked it and let my Xcite! do all the cumming, which I also told her when she asked me. Still, it was a lovely experience, both exciting and relaxing at the same time, even if I wished I had known and trusted her enough to let her grab me by my relay to really have me under her control. But then again, afterwards she told me that she wanted to own me, so I guess it was for the best she didn't have that control. As it was now, she could do nothing but accept when I told her I was honored but not available.

me partly stripped and bound in my new nisei oh designs latex outfit 09 Delicious at my job


Before I left my job I messaged some with the manager, as she contacted me to tell me some about her activities away from job. I like her, and it feels good to have a contact that is a bit more than just professional with her. Another colleague, Miss M, also messaged me after I had already left, commenting that I as a new employee had managed to become the most tipped greeter and guide during May. I guess the simple explanation is that I've been there a lot, and have been lucky in meeting a few visitors who thought enough about me helping them to tip me generously.

Discrepancies

I started out this morning with a quick visit to Sir R's place as usual. It's seldom much visitors there at that time of day any longer, but I at least paid my respects to a new house Mistress I hadn't seen there before. After that I tagged onto my friend c for some shopping since I had a bit of money to spend and I thought I'd benefit from her good taste in clothes. Unfortunately her Master is very much into latex, which is really neither her nor my main interest in clothes, but even if the shopping tour focused on that it's still fun to look around some at least.

me in my new Hugo Designs latex outfit Luna at my job


I actually ended up with 3 new latex outfits. One was a next to freebie that I doubt I'll ever wear more than once, one was quite OK, and the third was a creation from the only latex designer I found that I really like and which I fell in love with immediately. I know c already has that very outfit, so I was a little bit hesitant about buying it, but she said it was OK with her, so I did.

me in my new Hugo Designs latex outfit Luna at my job


I really like that latex designer, with a few exceptions. Most of their latex outfits come with such skimpy panties it's embarrassing to me, unless I actually want to dress up like a sex object. In reality those panties would probably end up wedged between my labia as soon as I moved. Many outfits also come with only round patches covering the nipples which may be good for an exotic dancer, while I prefer something more like a bra. The outfit I bought now had both nicely covering panties and a nice chest piece, with the daring but not overly indecent cutouts which I love in many clothes.

me partly stripped and bound in my new Hugo Designs latex outfit Luna at my job


I also talked some with c about some problems I've had lately. She basically told me I was thinking and worrying too much about things and that I should go for what I enjoyed instead of hesitating so much, and especially in the matter at hand. After the shopping and talk, c took me to her favorite club and we danced away an hour or so. I never really got into the mood though, probably having too many other things on my mind, so I excused myself and teleported around a short while looking for some distraction before I gave up and logged off.

I know I'm probably a real pain in the ass to my friends sometimes with my uncertainty, thinking and worrying. Even more so with the only month-old turmoil I created when Mistress W and I broke up and which I'm now trying to put behind me, or at least not keep talking so much about, since I think most of my friends are more than a little bit tired from my whining about it. My basic problem is probably still that Second Life is so real to me. Even if I think all of my friends recognize that there are live humans with characters and feelings behind the avatars they interact with, I think few immerses quite the way I do.

I keep repeating myself with that I'm very much the same in Second Life and in real life but there still are some discrepancies which I'm aware of.
1. Some of the inhibitions imposed on me by real-life society are shed in Second Life, so I act more outgoing, spontaneously and with less thought here.
2. Since Second Life functions much as a complement to my real-life sex-life, I am more focused on and open about sex here.
3. I have no real purpose or mission in Second Life, which often makes me feel uncertain about my qualities here.
4. In real-life I'm a leader both in my job and social life while I prefer to let others lead here.
5. In real-life I'm probably 99% straight while I enjoy intimacy with other women quite a lot here.
6. In real-life I've been very cautious with giving up control in BDSM because of self-preservation instincts while I've been far more easy-going about it here.
7. In real-life, self-preservation instincts prohibits a few sexual or BDSM practices that I'm more open for trying here.

Still, when it comes to values, emotions, preferences (save for the intimacy with women), limits and responses, I believe they are much the same in real-life and Second Life. In both places my worries and concerns are far more with how my actions affect others than with how they impact on me. I think that is much of me being a submissive, to put the needs and comfort of others before my own, not because I'm forced to do it but because it feels right and natural to me. Still, I also should not and will try not to pester my friends so much with those worries and concerns, but handle them more on my own.

In the evening I found none of my friends online or available, so I went to my job as greeter and guide. I spent a few hours there, meeting and chatting with some nice visitors. I also met the manager who once introduced me and had a very nice chat with her between visitors.

Friends and friends

I woke up early this morning after going to bed early as well, so my total sleeping hours were about the same as they've been the last couple of months, which is a bit too short. My body and soul obviously still haven't adapted to not needing to wake me up to meet my Mistress online, but in a way I'm glad I get those hours online in the morning, even if it's at the expense of my sleep. In Second Life I started with my usual visit to Sir R's place while I messaged some with my friend c. c showed up there as well, so I got a much longed for morning hug, and after a little while my friend s showed up as well, bound and gagged by God knows who like she always seems to be. s can be about as mischievous as I am sometimes and playfully tried to cage me, but I didn't fall for that one.

The three of us sat chatting for a while but then c needed to leave. I stayed on for a while longer but then realized my presence could keep some dom/mes who would like to play with s from doing so, so I decided to leave too. There was a party going on at one of Mistress I's clubs, so I teleported there and joined the fun together with a neko dj, colleagues in scuba gear or as mermaids, and a few ordinary visitors as well. It wasn't all that hard to persuade c to join me there and we messaged some about some problems she's had lately while we danced.

My guardian M came online while c and I were dancing, and since I knew it was some time before he usually is supposed to meet his slave, who is the main reason he comes online in the mornings, I messaged him and invited him to join c and me. Now, last time I invited him to dance, he was supposed to do it on a dance pole as a male stripper at my friend P's birthday party, so he was a little bit cautious this time but finally showed up. Even if I know M in real-life and have been a bit spoiled with his presence in Second Life lately, I was still happy to see him again, hug him and even dance with him for the first time ever.

M and c spent some time messaging while I danced with M, but I didn't mind since I suspected c needed someone else to talk to about her problems. Besides being a very nice guy in general, M can be very good to talk to in those cases, both being a good listener and being able to give some input that makes you see problems in a new light and often more manageable. I'm also very happy to see two of my best friends in Second Life getting along so well with each other. After a while M excused himself with having to go and take care of his slave and I needed to prepare for real-life work, so the three of us parted from the club.

I guess it's only natural that M and I share quite a few friends in Second Life by now. He didn't have many friends before as he spent most of his time creating things and I think I've both "sold" him to some of my friends by talking about him appreciative, as well as I've probably "sold" a few of them to him the same way. I also think we connect to the same kind of people, which may explain why he seems to be really close to a few of those that mean the most to me in Second Life, like c and Mistress W. Still, it worries me a little what would happen with our common friends if M and me ever broke apart. I'd hate myself if I put people I care about between rock and a hard place again the way I obviously did when Mistress W and I broke up.

However, I'm happy if I help M expand his circle of friends, because that will hopefully make him more reluctant to leave Second Life if something messes up for him, as he almost has left once before. As it is now, I'm still maintaining his creations in Second Life for him, to reduce that burden upon him since he was about to let them all go to waste when he thought of quitting Second Life. If I ever find myself a new owner, I may have to re-negotiate that with him though, since I can't rely on a new owner permitting me the freedom needed to maintain those creations. That's one of the reasons I'm hesitant about submitting fully to someone again, together with the limitations it may bring on my ability to visit friends who may be locked in places I'm not able or permitted to go.

This evening I messaged briefly with my friends P, c and s. s had managed to get away from Sir R's place where she's usually locked and was with P at her house. I excused myself because I needed to have some dinner but while I was eating it I saw my friend p come online for the first time in two weeks. I had actually began to worry about her and it turned out she had kind of slipped away from Second Life lately because she had been left locked and isolated for very long and was bored with it. Hopefully P and I managed to cheer her up some so she can hopefully be relieved from her isolation soon and spend more time with us.

I then had a long talk with P about some issues that have bothered me lately, and even if she really couldn't help much despite trying, it felt good to have talked to her about it and had some input and comforting from her. I finally had a date with a rather new friend of mine, the very nice but somewhat mischievous submissive colleague d from work, who l I had met and been played a little by once before. We didn't do anything but chat some this time but it felt really nice and relaxing.

Finally I updated the blog about M's BDSM Institute with the first set of pictures featuring me demonstrating some of his toys on display there. There are in total 132 pictures, so it will be a long series of presentations.

Tired day

This morning I was extremely tired after spending much of the night with a friend, Miss s, chatting, dancing, snuggling and in the end playing a little lightly. I felt I really needed that closeness and attention then and got just what I desired. I didn't have all that much time to spend in Second Life though but spent what I had at Sir R's place, chatting with a girl there and then running into Sir R himself.

I haven't really spoken with Sir R since Mistress W and I broke up, but at least he didn't seem upset by the fact that I had left his group and taken him off my friends list in the turmoil around the break. He was as always since I left very polite and nice to me, even if he still tried to talk me into returning to his place as a slave.

This afternoon I skipped my real-life job a bit early because I was too tired to do much good there. When I came to Second Life I decided to fix my breast bondage some. Both my friend i and my guardian M had complained about them almost glowing pink on the pictures they shot, even if it didn't look that way on my computer. But when M sent me an "anti-gamma-corrected" version of one image to show me on my computer what it looked like on his, I got the point. It was about an hours work to change the colors of the breast bondages to better ones and M was kind enough to check the result and told me it looked quite OK on his computer then.

This evening I went to my Second Life job to continue my compilation of information for my blog. First I spent some time trying out a few possible new additions to the BDSM toys at my job though, of which several left me a bit tingling. I also found some time to message some with my friend s and my company from the evening before. In the end I at least had browsed through those shops directly linked by teleporter pads from the welcome center, and found a number of errors with the pads, which I reported to the owner Mistress I. I was really tired after that though, so I logged off early to try and catch up on some sleep.

Me as a Mistress

I came to Second Life a bit later than usual this morning and started off at Sir R's place like so often. It wasn't quite empty today, but I found a rather new slave-girl, z, locked up there that I had a nice chat with once before. She really seems very nice and sweet, and having her helpless and exposed before me I just couldn't resist being a bit mischievous to her. In a way things went a bit out of hand, because her responses made me go more than a little bit further than I had planned.

After having touched and teased z for quite some time, I finally couldn't resist telling her she had to plead to her wicked "Mistress" very humbly for permission to cum at my hands and mouth. She complied in a way that really melted my heart and I could do nothing else than let my fingers and mouth send her over the edge in the most caring and pleasurable way I could manage. Afterwards I gave her a long, warm hug while she was coming down from her ecstasy still standing tied up, and when she asked for a kiss, I couldn't deny her that but let her taste herself of my lips before I had to leave for real-life.

I often feel so sorry for the girls I find locked and left alone without attention at Sir R's place, and often try to comfort them some by just being there with them, chatting with them or even putting myself in self-bondage next to them. There are a few persons I have met there that have made me wish I have some domme in me to be able to better care for them. What I did to z went further than my usual comforting even if it wasn't really much domming but more a little bit of mischief and a lot of caring. Still, I could feel that it actually gave me some pleasure, if not in a real sexual way, to be able to control her and her lust the way I did. I could never be a real domme though, because I don't think I could ever really force someone or deliberately cause them real discomfort or pain, even if I knew that was what they really wanted.

me tied to M's bondage stake at M's institute


Still, z's sweet responses triggered something in me, and for a moment I associated to a favorite movie scene of mine. It's from the old film "An officer and a gentleman" where Richard Gere as a very young officer in uniform marches into the factory where his girlfriend Debra Winger works, just grabs her, kisses her and lifts her up, no questions asked, marching off with her in his arms while her mostly female colleagues starts cheering for them. Even when I saw it the first time on TV as a young girl ( I think I was much too young for it when it hit the theatres), I think that scene may have appealed to a submissive streak in me already then, with Richard Gere being so self-confident and having his ways as he abducts his (soon willing) prey like that. If I ever were to become a Mistress, I think I could do something like that, marching into a playground, leashing a girl like z and just marching off with her on my leash to be kept for both her own and my pleasure. I know it's a totally corny scene but I'm a hopeless romantic and just couldn't help it popping up in my mind.

me kneels tied up and gawking at M's dildo-pole at M's institute


This evening I had a short messaging with my friends P and c, but since c's Master made one of his appearances there I didn't want to intrude but cut it short. Then my guardian M showed up for a photo session he had suggested to get me some pictures for use with the blog about his institute in Second Life. We spent some intense 2 1/2 hour producing 132 snapshots, mostly of me on his devices, and then an additional hour preparing and transferring the snapshots from him to me.

me riding M's twisted Spanish horse at M's institute


M made the snapshots available for me both to download to my computer for the blog and then uploaded them to Second Life and transferred them to me there as well full perms "Just in case I found use for them". And then on top of that he surprised me with paying me a "modelling fee" of L$20 per image which meant in total L$2640! I never expected to get paid for the little job, but just enjoyed his company in Second Life for the first time in a long while. M really is the greatest and he's always there for me and looking out for me. Even if I'm grateful for his pay I wish he hadn't, because now I feel even more in debt to him than I have before already, even if he keeps telling me I owe him nothing.

Compiling

As usual I woke up much too early this morning and as usual I spent most of the extra time I got that way in Second Life. After a quick visit to Sir R's place, which was all empty, I continued to my job. It was very quiet there as well so I continued my mission to compile information about the various playgrounds, dungeons and shops available. Today I actually finished the part about the playgrounds and dungeons. I even visited the dreaded maze there and took a jab at it but without using my RLV relay not to really get stuck in it.

I always felt uneasy about mazes. I know the one at my job is supposed to be kind of fun and easy but that doesn't help much. When I'm on my own in a maze I always have the feeling I'm so stupid I'll never find my way out of it but get stuck there forever. I think I would feel better if I had anyone there with me, even an evil Master or Mistress who took every chance of teasing and abusing me because then I at least could hope for some kind of assistance when I get lost and stuck.

While I was visiting the various locations I couldn't help but getting stuck a while extra with the ponygirl taxi service. I'm not one bit into furry play and am not found of puppy play but for some reason I have a weak spot for being transformed into a ponygirl. I couldn't help myself but getting in gear an tow a cart out for a snapshot, and then sign on as a ponygirl for the service, if anyone would call for me.

me as taxi ponygirl at my job


When I changed back from the ponygirl outfit I made myself really embarrassed. The latex suit I changed into has several tops and I took an open one framing my breasts very generously instead of the usual covering top. I didn't discover it until quite a while later and by that time I had both unknowingly flashed my breasts at my friend c, who I had invited to come visit the mall, and to several other visitors of which some showed a peculiar extra interest in me I couldn't understand until I discovered the erroneous top.

In the afternoon I should really have continued the photo shoot from the day before, but the photographer i had to cancel because of unexpected work with fixing up a new sim her Mistress I had acquired. Instead I spent much of the afternoon collecting my old snapshots from Second Life to create a page on the image site Flickr. It wasn't all that hard but in the end I discovered visitors needed to log in to be able to see all the pictures instead of just a small sample.

To comfort myself from the Flickr setback, I went visiting my friend P in her house where she had been locked by her Sir D, and our common friend c also showed up there. We had a long chat with P and c nagging at each other like some married old couple as usual, but it was still nice and fun.

Dancing in ropes, from the whip and to jazz

When I came to Second Life this morning no friends were around and Sir R's place was almost empty. I exchanged a few words with a visitor I never saw there before and then went on to my Second Life job.

I had plans to continue compiling information about my job for my blog since the place is usually quite empty at that time but fate had it another way. A visitor appeared and when I offered him help we started discussing first the place, then RLV and relays, and finally BDSM. He asked me to show him some place I liked so I took him to the shibari garden and demonstrated how the relays to capture people onto the devices there worked by acting the guinea pig.

The demonstration became pretty long and intense and the visitor proved to be a real gem for a Master despite his claimed inexperience. I guess most submissives would have turned away someone who told he was new as a dominant but I try not to judge people that way and I was very glad I didn't in this case. I had a wonderful morning and I think he got a good start in his no doubt prosperous career as Master. We finally parted after a long and nice chat when he went to real-life sleep with me still in the arms of his avatar.

I sneaked out of his embrace when I saw my friend i come online since we had decided she would make a photo shoot with me since she's a skilled photographer, both real-life and in Second Life. She had promised to try and make some nice pictures of me both as portraits, sensuous submissive photos and some more intense bondage pictures. She did a great job even if it took a long time and we spent in total 7 hours shooting photos. She had also set up a surprise for me with her Mistress I, also the owner of the place and my employer, "acting" Mistress in some of the bondage pictures. That "acting" became pretty intense when the whip and cattle prod proved to be useful for more than just decorations in the pictures.

Mistress I and me dancing at her jazz club


I was mentally drained after the encounter in the morning and the intense photo shoot, and thought I'd make an early evening. But Mistress I asked me if I would come to a club event she arranged that evening and I just couldn't refuse. I spent a good part of the evening dancing with her and we made a neat match with accidentally similar dresses but hers in white and mine in black. I also met my friend i there again and got to dance with her as well.

Second Life can be rather crazy sometimes, when you can spend the afternoon dancing to someone's whip and then dance away the evening in formal gown with that very same person during pleasant chatting to good and live music. I guess that's one of the many things that attracts me with Second Life, that you never know what can happen and that things can develop a lot faster there than in real life.

Another blog

This morning I started collecting information for my new blog project with presentations of some places I like, starting with my job place. I realize already this will be a project that will take some time. I didn't even manage to compile a quarter of what I believe is the information I want to have, so just doing my job place will probably be a project part that alone will take at least a week.

I have also got some permissions to go ahead and publish the information from those owning the places. While doing so I also ended up with a decision to start another blog. My guardian M told me I was free to use the BDSM information he already provides at his place in any way I would like on my blog. With his permission I decided to start an entirely new blog, presenting his BDSM places with both the information he provides, images and presentations with snapshots of the toys he has created and presents at his places. I probably won't update that blog every day but just once or twice per week though. The new blog can be found at http://bdsm-institute.blogspot.com/.

This evening I found time to join my friend P in her cage at Sir R's place, a cage which by now must be the most decorated and probably also visited throughout Second Life. We spent a long time chatting about things that are important at least to me. I was very relieved to be able to tell her about some things that have messed up both my real-life and Second Life existence lately, and thereby hopefully make her understand a bit about why I probably have been behaving even more strange than usual lately.

Right now I really should be very happy with the turns my life has taken lately, but after a very intense week at work, much too little sleep and still not having been able to take everything in and digest it yet, I really feel like more of a mess. When I feel ready I will probably share at least some of it here, but until then I will just play the evil teasestress.

Breast bondage

This morning I spent trying to make some snapshots of myself tied up with my breast bondage creations. It's the first time I've tried to take more elaborate photos of myself and it was much harder job then I thought arranging, finding angles and photographing, not helped along one bit by the frustration following from seeing myself in that situation and longing for someone else to have put me in it. The final result was 7 not very good snapshots from one hour of hard work.

I also messaged some with my friends P and c while they were out having fun being killed(!) by some crazy friends of c. This evening I started asking permissions to publish information about places I like on my blog, and so far there seems to be no real problem with it. I also messaged some with some newly found friends and ended up going out dancing with one of them at a lesbian bdsm place. I've never been to one of those before, since I despite all don't really see myself as a lesbian, but it was a neat place and hot experience, especially in the nice company.

Breast bondage was actually my very first encounter with BDSM real-life, even if it wasn't in a BDSM context when I first experienced it. It wasn't until many years later I discovered the joy and thrill of losing my freedom by having my limbs bound. When that bondage and breast bondage was combined, I was sent swirling far out into an ocean of absolute bliss. Breast bondage holds so many dimensions for me. It's physical but also much mental focusing on what I see as one of my essences as a woman. It can be soft and sensuous, increasing sensitivity to caresses and pleasure, but also harsh and vicious, both increasing sensitivity to pain and in itself creating all the pain and torture I could ever ask for, and then some more.

me tied up in strict breast bondage at M's institute


Breast bondage was one of the few things I was engaged enough in not to lose my patience and focus when I tried to learn how to create things in Second Life. So many other attempts lay forever unfinished in my inventory, or have been deleted completely in frustration and surrender, but my breast bondage creations are the ones finished enough for me to put on occasionally, even if I still have ideas on how to improve them. My guardian M has helped me with some scripting of them, but my real pride was when I all on my own managed to adapt and install an Xcite! script in one of my breast bondage attachments to make me respond to it when it was manipulated.

me tied up strained in breast bondage with nipple clamps at M's institute

The reason I wanted to create breast bondage attachments to start with was because I couldn't find any available back when I first started with BDSM in Second Life. Later I've found several, of which most make my puny attempts look very amateurish. However, even if I've exaggerated both size and strictness some, they're still food for fantasy, and they're my own and built after my own preferences. About the size, it's not so far off from when I weighed 11 kgs/25 lbs more and was one cup size larger real-life. And about the strictness, I guess it will be enabled with age as my breasts will "mature" and become more moldable.

me tied kneeling with tight breast bondage and heavily weighted nipple clamps at M's institute

Now I just long for someone who appreciates breast bondage as much as I do, or at least enough to really want to put me through it because they enjoy it and not just to please me. Unfortunately, most people I bring it up with in Second Life seem either uncomfortable with or not interested in seeing my breasts turn into swollen orbs from the tight constrictions around their base and the thought of playing with them for both pleasure and pain.

Bargains and crib sheets

This has been another day with nothing much happening because of a long and late real-life working-day. I spent a couple of hours at my job in Second Life this morning. It felt very lonely when I saw none of my friends online, and even at my job the place was almost empty. I comforted myself by starting to explore the huge mall there systematically for the first time. The mall is so rich that I only had time to cover the first floor of three but I found vendors from many of my favorite creators, like Think Kink, Real Restraints and T&T, plus a lot of hot fashion shops that made me all drooling and got-to-have.

When I returned to the welcome area, I found two visiting kitten girls caught up in conversation there and even if I didn't want to disturb them, they soon had me joining their conversation. It ended up with me buying an almost unused set of very nifty RF Secure Cuffs from one of them at a 30% discount, because the girl selling them had no use for them. The new restraints seem to hold a lot more bondage positions and options than the Real Restraints and Mesmerize Dungeon ones I've usually used so far. I only had time to browse the possibilities briefly while at work though, and some things I probably need someone else to try out on me. There also seemed to be a small HUD problem which the seller promised to try and help me straighten out next time we both are in Second Life, since I had to leave for my real-life job.

While I've been exploring the grounds at my Second Life job, I've been thinking about putting together a crib sheet covering the playgrounds, dungeons, clubs, and now the mall there, to be able to better assist visitors who are looking for particular items or settings. The place is a bit overwhelming, and I discovered even a manager showing me around a couple of days back found some new places while doing so. I realize it will be a lot of work but I think it could be worth the effort, also to more easily find my own way around the place. Now the idea has expanded in my head to make that compilation directly available to others as well, e.g. on this blog.

I already have some experience checking up and adding to the landmarks my guardian M offers at his places. Now I'm thinking about expanding my crib sheet idea a bit by also compiling landmarks I enjoy myself and present here on my blog as SLURL's. Combining such a landmark map with crib sheets for the various places could make this blog a bit more useful to others and less boringly egocentric than it is now. I probably still will keep writing little reports about my doings the days something worth mentioning has happened, but lately I feel like I've been running on empty quite often when I've been blogging. In a way I'm already testing the idea of presenting more structured and useful information with the changes and additions I did to my blog yesterday.

The one thing that makes me a little hesitant about changing my blog is that some of the new information, such as locations, may reveal a bit more about me or those close to me than I'm quite comfortable with. I'll probably need to check with some people if they're OK with me doing so, like my guardian M, Mistress W, Sir R and the Mistress who owns the place where I work. I'm also not quite set on going ahead with the idea yet, but need to ponder some on its possible implications.

Images

Because my morning visit in Second Life was calm and I had to work late real-life today, I didn't have much to write about. Instead I decided to do a little quick work on this blog before going to bed. I changed the introduction some, added a menu with web links to Second Life friends and resources, a search box, and my flirting guide to the information menu. I experimented some with the colors of my blog but in the end I was happy with the simple default ones. I also decided to collect and keep adding my images on this one page for those who just want something to drool over but don't want to plow through all my babbling to find the images.

Originally I had planned to add quite a lot of more images of my adventures in Second Life, but I discovered that when I'm at play I immerse so it becomes as impossible for me to focus on taking snapshots of it as if I was to excuse myself while being bound and played real-life, stepping out of my bound body, trying to find the right angles, take the snapshots, step back into my body, and then ask the one playing me to please continue. Some people have offered snapshots of me taken in-world, but I don't know how to export those to publish them here. I guess that means that most of what goes here will be dull images where I've arranged myself or been left long enough to slide out of my immersion.

2010-06-12

i, me, Mistress I and 3 more girls in photo session at my job


2010-06-12

me, Mistress I and 2 more girls in photo session at my job


2010-06-12

me, Mistress I, i and 1 more girl in photo session at my job


2010-06-09

my all new friend P at her place


2010-06-09

my all new friend P at her place


2010-06-09

my all new friend P at her place


2010-06-08

my new friend n en face


2010-06-08

my new friend n trying M's bondage stake


2010-06-08

my new friend n and me in M's gallery


2010-05-31

Mistress C and me at her castle


2010-05-31

n and me at Mistress C's castle


2010-05-31

Mistress C and her pet n at their castle


2010-05-28

me partly stripped and bound in my new nisei oh designs latex outfit 09 Delicious at my job


2010-05-28

me in my new nisei oh designs latex outfit 09 Delicious at my job


2010-05-28

me in my new nisei oh designs latex outfit 09 Delicious at my job


2010-05-27

me partly stripped and bound in my new Hugo Designs latex outfit Luna at my job


2010-05-27

me in my new Hugo Designs latex outfit Luna at my job


2010-05-27

me in my new Hugo Designs latex outfit Luna at my job


2010-05-24

me riding M's twisted Spanish horse at M's institute


2010-05-24

me kneels tied up and gawking at M's dildo-pole at M's institute


2010-05-24

me tied to M's bondage stake at M's institute


2010-05-23

me as taxi ponygirl at my job


2010-05-22

Mistress I and me dancing at her jazz club


2010-05-20

me tied kneeling with tight breast bondage and heavily weighted nipple clamps at M's institute

2010-05-20

me tied up strained in breast bondage with nipple clamps at M's institute

2010-05-20

me tied up in strict breast bondage at M's institute


2010-05-12

Miss m preparing to whip me in ice dungeon at my job


2010-05-12

me and P in hogtie on her lovely rug


2010-05-08

me strapped in a hanging chair at Sir R's place


2010-04-12

me in uniform at Sir R's place


2010-04-12

k and I locked up together


2010-04-12

me camping as bondage dancer at M's gallery

Meetings with friends

This day was kind of off for me and I was not in much of a mood to do anything. Still the day was nice in a calm kind of way.

This morning I met my guardian M face to face for the first time in ages. I was at Sir R's place checking things up when he suddenly showed up. He was there just to pass some time waiting for his slave to show up but we still had a nice little chat before I had to start preparing for real-life work.

This evening I went to Sir R's place again and met my friend s there. She was tied up real neat and told me it was M who had done it to her. I was a bit surprised since I thought M is in Second Life almost exclusively to play with his own slave, but obviously he has time for some more fun at least sometimes as well. I had a long and nice chat with s while some others showed up, among them one dom who started trying to make me join s in bondage. I wasn't really in the mood for it though and was more or less saved by the bell when my friend k came online.

Sir K had left k tied up with timers at Mistress W's place, and I went there to at least give her a hug before she had to take care of her real-life. That short hug became a rather long talk about a lot of different more or less serious things. In the end she got her keys back and could have freed herself but decided to stay as she was to make Sir K happy if he was there the next time she came.

While I was hugging and chatting with k I also got a call from Mistress W who had seen me on her scanner and wanted to send me a hug by message because she said she was a bit too tied up to come and do it personally. What that "tied up" meant one can never be sure of, but I enjoyed and appreciated both her attention and the hug even if her hugs face to face are much nicer.

That was as exciting as my day got today, but it was still a nice day despite being very calm and without any real fun or mischief, except for some in my talk with k, which seems to be more common than not between us.

Flirting guide

I've come to realize how many more suddenly show an interest in me when my profile no longer clearly states I'm taken. Before I had rather few politely commending how well my Mistress had obviously trained me. Now I seem to have a lot more people requesting my attention, friendship, submission or expecting me to take any form of abuse as soon as I show myself outside the little hole where I usually hide. In one way it's flattering and I'm no less a girl than that I appreciate the attention and flirting but it also soon becomes tiresome the way most approach it. Therefore I decided to put together a little guide on how to flirt with Suzie, even if I'm aware of that most of my "admirers" probably will never read it. Also, please note this is about me and not a general flirting guide.

1. Wake me up.
I'm sometimes busy and may not see things in open chat, especially not if you've been "professional" enough to turn off your typing sound and animation. I also often cam in a way so I may miss you even if you stand just a meter away from me. Knock me on the shoulder with an IM if you want to make sure I don't miss you.

2. Be interested.
Do me the courtesy of at least reading some of my profile if you pretend to be interested in me and use it to form your approach. Don't use standard copy-and paste clichés when you approach me even if you think they're great enough to be used with a thousand attempts of flirting. Chances are I won't share your opinion on their greatness.

3. Be civil.
Don't automatically expect me to accept or even less appreciate rudeness or other abuse just because I'm a submissive. I know some other submissives do but I very rarely do at least on a first date.

4. Come to the point.
I'm usually straightforward and appreciate you being it too. Are you interested in me because you need directions, want to know where I bought my shoes, want to compliment my hairdo, want to chat with someone in general, want to discuss my scientific interests, want to discuss BDSM, would like to tie me up or would like to fuck me? It can save us both a lot of time and energy whether it's because I politely tell you off, try to help you out, or hand you my keys and spread my legs for you.

5. Communicate.
Try to find time to read my responses. If I request input on them, explicitly or implicitly, I appreciate getting it. A monologue may be good from a good speaker, but very few are that good. I like discussing and responding to responses. Sometimes I may want to finish a long input before I respond to yours but I almost always get back to it in time.

6. Don't over-interpret.
If I don't answer right away it doesn't mean I'm not interested or even busy with something. Mostly it's because I start checking up your profile before I reply.
If I don't answer at all and I'm still or animate the same all the time it usually means I'm AFK and not that I ignore you.
If I do answer it doesn't have to mean I'm ready to hand you the ownership of my collar, my keys and spread my legs for you.
If I call you "Sir" or "Miss" it's not because I'm already submitting to you but because your profile and other circumstances make it feel appropriate to show you that courtesy.
If I occasionally don't call you "Sir" or "Miss" despite you expect it, it's not because of disrespect but usually because you make me feel relaxed enough to permit some slip. Live with it or correct me.
If I offer you a hug it doesn't have to mean you have my eternal devotion but it's mostly because I like hugging and you seem huggable to me.

7. Do over-interpret.
If I don't answer at all but obviously am there, it means you should try your luck elsewhere.
If I consequently don't call you "Sir" or "Miss" despite you think your profile or other circumstances demands it, it means your profile or behavior makes me feel you've disowned the right of me calling you so.
If I call you "Master" or "Mistress" it's because that's what I want you to be for me, at least temporarily.
If I hand you my keys and spread my legs for you, and I need to explain it to you, forget I did it at all.

8. Have a good profile.
I'm a manic profile reader because I'm interested in the people I meet. I read presentations, groups, interests, picks and look at pictures. Therefore the profiles that turn me away are in order:
Empty profiles: usually means not much of a personality.
Nonsense or "cute" profiles: waste of bad ammo on me.
All quote profiles: I'm not interested in gurus but in you.
Bitter profiles: usually proves a destructive person in chat.
Ego profiles: don't try and tell me how good you are, prove it.
Role-play profiles: I prefer the real you to fairy-tales.

9. Be real or role-play realistically
I am the real me here as in "real-life" and prefer to believe you are too. I don't demand you to be truthful but at least be believable. If you present yourself as a Gorean slaver, a medieval knight or a superhero, I will see you as an actor and even if I may play along a bit if I'm in the right mood, I won't take you seriously and probably get bored quickly. If you role-play abusive or an asshole, I will see you as such and back off. If you role-play a furry, I will seek the person behind the mask just as I would if I met someone in a mask in real-life.

10. Respect friendship is friendship
I reserve my friends list for those I see as real friends and those I see as showing real potential of becoming such. It's very rare I add "friends" after a first meet with a few short chat exchanges. I know most use their friends lists differently but I expect that a no to a friendship invite will be respected if I give the reason for it.

Realism and role-play

When I first came to Second-Life, I marveled at all the fantastic creations and possibilities. I spent hours looking at fairytale make-belief and I loved being able to fly and teleport all around the world by simply clicking a few times with the mouse on my computer. That wonder kept up for about a year and I guess I was much like a kid in a toy store.

Then, after a break when I didn't spend much time in-world, I returned and discovered much had changed, not in-world but with me. People became more important to me then creations and suddenly the surrealism that I marveled at before almost became irritating. I seldom flied any longer, and I could get irritated when there were no stairs in a building but only teleporters between the floors. Teleporting between remote locations was still a must I had to accept though.

I also started experimenting with BDSM then, and soon I also found there that I preferred the gear that would be believable real-life. Details like sound and good animations or emotes became more important to me than the actual functionality or severity of restraints and furniture.

When I play now, realism is more or less vital to me, both from objects and persons. Concerning objects, it's much up to myself to find the attachments or dungeons that are realistic enough, but people are a bit harder to select, at least in the beginning. I suspect many just role-play but as long as they do it believable to me, it doesn't matter much. Many destroy it by exaggerating though, or by suddenly go "out of character" and ask things like "((Would you be ok with me raping you?))" or "((How soon must you go to bed?))".

Many question and even criticize the way I immerse, and some even say there must be something wrong with me doing it, but I also meet many who say they function the same or similar, even if they themselves role-play or see their immersion as a kind of role-play.

I guess in one way everybody role-plays all the time, because we all adapt to the demands and expectations on us from the surrounding. Those who don't are often said to have some kind of personality disorder, e.g. being sociopaths or socially disabled. I also adapt to those requirements. In real-life I need to be responsible in my job, make money to pay the rent and eat, behave in ways so society won't throw me out and friends won't turn their backs on me. That includes things like being restrictive in both expressing and living my sexuality.

In Second Life I actually can shed many of those required role-plays and more be the one I like to be. I can be childish, playful, spend time with friends instead of at work, and express and enjoy my sexuality in ways I could never permit myself to do real-life. So the question is, if I role-play, do I really do it in Second Life or in my real life. But to me neither is really role-play. It's just the different requirements that make me display different variants of the real and one me. It's no more different than that I do things at my real-life work that I don't do with my real-life friends and vise versa.

In the end it all boils down to my basic requirements. Except for the absolute necessities in real-life, like air to breathe, water to drink, food to eat, clothes to wear and a place to stay the night, I need to have friends that make me feel needed and appreciated in both places, I need to make people feel happy and comfortable, I need to have my sexual needs fulfilled, be they caressing, kissing passionately or making love soft and gentle, or being helpless, tormented, used and abused. Both sexually and in some other respects my real life and Second Life complements each other and makes me one whole person instead of shattered fragments in different places.

I try to respect people going about things differently than I do, both in Second Life and real-life, and I wish they will do me the same courtesy. But sometimes, when their ways interfere with my own, by condemning my ways or being abusive to me, my patience and respects run out as well. Then they will often find I'm not always a sweet little submissive, but a real bitch who can bite hard. And still, neither the submissive nor the bitch are roles I play, but different sides of the one and only me.

Encounters

This morning I met my friend c in Second Life as she was waiting, hoping to see her Master. They've both had a tough time and their relationship has been tense for some time, which has meant c has been quite distressed. It is sometimes hard to find a balance between being there for her and not clinging onto her. The problems I've had myself lately has also meant I haven't always been as supportive or sensitive as I really should be. This morning I was very happy to see her Master come online to see her though, and I sneaked away as quickly and discretely as I could without being rude, to give c and him time alone.

I then went to Sir R's place and had some distraction trying out the new BDSM furniture and toys he had installed there since I last took time to look around properly inside his castle. Since I did a thorough job, it took quite some time before I was done, and I was tingling quite a bit from the experiences, despite much of it were items I had seen and even tried out before at other playgrounds, dungeons and shops. I also met a girl there who shared my interest in breast bondage, and we spent some time together talking while I demonstrated my own creations on that theme to her.

I really needed to log off to catch a few more hours of sleep real-life after that, but I was just too up in speed to be able to go back to bed, so I instead went to my Second Life job. I actually never clocked in there but just hung around the welcome area in hope of finding someone nice to talk to and relax a bit. There wasn't many there at that time of day, and I was just about to leave when I suddenly received notice someone had tipped me big-time. I was quite surprised since I hadn't done anything or talked to anyone, but I contacted the person who did the tipping to say thank you.

The tipper turned out to be someone I had just walked by in the welcome area a while earlier but hadn't wanted to bother since he seemed busy. I asked him about the tip and he said it was because he had found pleasure in reading my profile from the staff map on the wall. Even if I was really on my way back to bed real-life I decide to at least thank him in person so I returned to the welcome area and found him still there.

The tipper turned out to be a dominant male with a rather special avatar, resembling a young Marlon Brando but with a small body and an over-sized head. He was really extremely polite and pleasant, and I didn't mind answering his questions about neither the place nor me. Finally he asked me if I wanted to show him some of my favorite spots, and even if he made no secret about what he was up to, I really didn't mind since I felt very comfortable with him.

I took him to a shibari area, and he didn't really need to tell me to demonstrate the items there for him. He just asked me about what was my favorite, and off we were. It turned out he wasn't familiar or comfortable with the aids available, like RLV and relays, so I had to go back to old school and carry out the actions he described in his emotes for him. However, he turned out to be such a good emoter it never became really disturbing. Somewhere along the line I reached a stage where I wished he had taken real control over me though.

Our little "demonstration" lasted for almost two hours, and even if I must admit I might have felt a little bit obliged by his generous tipping to start with, I didn't regret it and would gladly have done it without any tip whatsoever, if I had known what was in store. When we parted he went back to the welcome area and paid another very generous tip to my jar there. I felt almost offended by it, but when I messaged him to tell him he said the tip wasn't for my services but just because he wanted to boost me to the highest tipped employee then.

It seems to be rare with good male emoters in Second Life, and this guy was really one of the best I've encountered so far. In fact the only ones I can think of measuring up to him regardless of gender is my former Mistress W, her girl Miss t, and Sir K who was once trained by Mistress W. Also, his very gentle and polite touch throughout, without making a caricature out of it, was unusual for a man, and I felt as comfortable and relaxed with him as I usually only do when girls play with me.

I probably engage a bit too much in those visitors I connect with at my job to be a really good greeter and guide, since it means I at least partly neglect other visitors. I also should become more selective in letting people come close to me and befriend me, and not let them do it just because they've managed to sweet-talk me once or even twice.

When I started out as greeter and guide, I was told I would not need to remain single for long unless I wanted to. I thought then there would be sleazeballs approaching me that would be easy to tell off, but I've realized now the problem is I'm connecting with so many seemingly nice persons it actually can become a burden to me. I don't want to give people any false expectations, but even if I try to be frank with them, I'm afraid many over-interpret my politeness and believe they are coming closer to me than they really are. Several, both visitors and staff, have told me they think I'm very sweet, but even if it's flattering it may become a problem in the end, with people being hurt because they feel I've mislead them with my responses.