Disappointment

When I returned to Mistress W's place this morning and found it empty save for my guardian M and his land manager who were there to fight the lag but away from keyboard.

I guess the lag fighting deserves explaining a bit better. A small landowner in the same sim as Mistress W has set up a "fuck club" with zillions of bad vendor machines and poseballs which cause immense lag when interacted with. On top of that the theme of free sex and fuck attracts a lot of newcomers and desperates who add to the lag with freebie sex toys and also fills the sim so no one else can get in. So the idea is that by seeing to that the available slot for visitors to the sim are not all filled up by visitors to the club, the lag can be reduced by less interaction and in the long run maybe also make the club owner shut down or move because he doesn't get enough visitors to make it worth while.

In parallel, Mistress W and several of the other residents in the sim plus my guardian M have been posting abuse reports to Linden Labs about the situation in the sim and the overuse of resources by the club making the sim unusable for anyone else. No one seems to believe those abuse reports will make any difference though.

I have been neglecting my job in Second Life a lot lately because I've spent as much time as possible fighting lag for Mistress W, but this morning I sneaked off to my job to at least put in a couple of hours there, helped in my decision by some company I didn't appreciate coming my way at Mistress W's place. I bumped into my new CEO at work and managed to help her with a little issue with her cuffs that had been locked in a bad way by her Master. We chatted a little about various things as well since the traffic was low and not many needing my assistance as a guide there.

My CEO had just left when Miss t dropped by to my big surprise. She came to shop to ease her depression after being told by Mistress W she intends to close her place down unless something happens with the lag issue. I messaged Mistress W right away trying to persuade her not to go through with her plans on shutting down the sim. Meanwhile, my employer Mistress I showed up, and I decided in desperation to try and ask her about what could be done about the situation in Mistress W's sim, since she is a big landowner herself and seems very adept in handling various problems.

Mistress I was very helpful and spent quite some time explaining various possibilities to me, some of which I forwarded to Mistress W. She couldn't offer any fail-safe solution though. After she had to leave for her real-life work, I decided to head back for Mistress W's place but make a short stop at Sir R's place on the way.

There I ran into my friends Miss t, m and Sir N again. Miss t was just off to bed but I at least managed to steal a hug from her before she left, and I also got hugs from m and Sir N. We just chatted briefly before m had to leave as well and I continued back to Mistress W's place. During my teleport there I suffered a crash that left me without any attachments when I managed to return to Second Life, and it took me half an hour in the lag to get straightened out again, so I could resume my entertainment there while heading for real-life.

Looking back, I feel disappointed and frustrated at how things are going at Mistress W. I have been doing the best I can with my limited knowledge and resources to help fight the lag there, inviting friends to lag hell and keeping them there, taking up time from friends asking for advice and help, neglecting both my job and some obligations I have as a friend to others, just to be at Mistress W's place as much as possible.

To see Mistress W and the others in the sim, who should really be engaged because it's their places, just fold and leave the sim, both temporary now because it's too inconvenient with the lag if they want to play, and permanently if no one comes along with a magic wand and solve their problems without them having to work much for it, makes me feel sad, disappointed, angry, furious, not about the lag but about those people.

Sure, I was never asked to be there and help against the lag, but for me it was the natural thing, the only thing, I could do when I saw friends in distress that I thought I could help. But seeing them fold without even putting up a real fight, seemingly without caring much about it even, makes it very hard for me to go on either. I don't know why I should keep fighting for something I'm not even part of when those who are don't seem to care enough to do it.

I will leave my avatar to fight the lag over the weekend, but then I'll go back to using my time for better things than battles already given up, being a better friend to those where I make a difference, being more loyal to my employer considering all she's done for me, helping my guardian M out with the chores around his installations, and making money again so I can afford the things I need and want. I hate signing off for the weekend with those thoughts in mind, but it seems like the only thing I can do right now.