Gender

This morning I spent an hour almost entirely alone at my Second Life job before I gave up and went partying with my friend c and her wild biker bunch. It was fun and just enough people for me not to be neither bored nor panic from the crowd. This evening I really had too much real-life stuff to handle to find time to visit Second Life more than shortly. I met my friend s and did a little number on her, and chatted some with my friend p and Sir M, but that was about it. Ah well, I guess a lot of people got a well-deserved rest from me.

I know I've said that peoples' real-life gender doesn't mean that much to me when I meet them in Second Life, but I haven't really been able to get the thoughts about it out of my head lately. There are people who have stated to me they are really the opposite sex to their avatars or that they have alts including both male and female avatars. All of those so far say that they are males in real life. I have also met many especially lesbian or bisexual females in Second Life that I'm almost certain of are male in real-life.

When I've asked a few of those who have stated that they are males in real life why they have female avatars in Second Life they've said it's either because it's fun trying something different or because there are so much more accessories to female avatars that it's too dull being male. However, when I've asked some real-life male friends why they think males play females in Second Life, they both believed it was because some men found it appealing to be in total control of even a virtual woman and in a sexual context to be kind of your own porn flick director.

To me all those explanations seem plausible and not exclusive of one another.

I don't know how common it is with males acting as females in Second Life but if I look among the "female" friends I have, there are rather few of them that behaves in ways that make me suspect they might be males real-life. But then again, there are many potential acquaintances I've discarded because they've seemed very "flat", and among them I guess there may be a much higher frequency of males just using a female avatar for visual or purely sexual purposes.

In the BDSM playgrounds I've visited there have been an excess of submissive female avatars. Several people I know in Second Life have stated the same figures of about 20-25 submissives for every good dom/me, and then few of those submissives are males but many of those dominants are females as well. My impression is that the ratio is not quite as high but at least 4-5 submissives for every dominant I consider worth having.

For some reason my own conclusion has been and my gut feeling still is that a lot of those submissive females and quite a few of the dominant ones as well must be males acting as females, just from the numbers of them. But then again, there are also a lot of hard facts indicating that really doesn't have to be the case.

First of all, I'm a female submissive myself, and even if I must admit I probably wouldn't have been in Second Life without a guardian who patiently helped me get over all those tech thresholds that would have deterred me otherwise, I'm here and one of that excess of submissive females.

From myself and my real-life female friends I assume the high tech level in Second Life is deterring to females, but many of the females I meet in Second Life state to be a lot younger than I am, and I know from friends with teenage daughters they often don't seem to have any problems with the tech in video games and on the Internet but quite contrary often help both their mothers and fathers with technical issues regarding computers, cell phones and digital cameras.

There are also a lot of studies claiming that females now are far more active than males when it comes to social media like FaceBook, blogs and chats on the Internet, while males are more active when it comes to pure gaming. I know there are pure gaming and combat sims in Second Life but I never been to those so I don't know the gender ratios there. In the BDSM sims I visit there is also much social interaction going on, so I guess that would fit with the studies showing females are more active in that context.

Even if I guess I've been a bit selective when it comes to making friends on the Internet, since I haven't done it for sexual purposes before starting to play with BDSM in Second Life, it's true that most of my friends and the most active ones on FaceBook, MySpace, MSN, my "real-life" blog and Twitter are females, at least as far as I know them, but I find it hard to believe many males swap gender there just to chit-chat with females.

Some years ago I was also a member of a local BDSM community, and despite the large majority (80-85%) of the members there being male, it was more common than not that there was a majority of females on the community website chat, and also that there was a close to 50-50 gender ratio on the real-life arrangements like munches, workshops and non-play parties. Since I met most of the active girls on the chat real-life as well, I know they were really girls.

So I guess I really should try to drop that gut feeling about very many of the "girls" in Second Life being "gurls" (guys acting as girls), because even if I know some actual cases and have reason to suspect a number of more, there really is no hard evidence supporting it being a massive phenomenon.

Even if "gurls" was a common phenomenon, it wouldn't have to be a bad thing. I discussed it with a friend of mine in Second Life the other day, and even if we both don't mind playing with other girls there, she claims to be mainly heterosexual in real-life, and I think I'm even more so than she is. So if some of the "girls" we played with turned out to be real-life guys, it would almost be a relief to at least my sexual preferences that are a bit messed up in Second Life, and she stated something similar. She is also someone I would be truly shocked by if she turned out to be a "gurl", because even if we never "gender-verified", I find it very hard to believe she's managed to deceive me considering how well I believe we know each other.

When it comes to myself, I guess I shouldn't be surprised if some people believe I'm a "gurl". I'm paranoid enough about being identified not to be willing to give out photos, go on cam or even use voice, which according to many is a sure sign of me being a "gurl". Some of my real-life personality, where I'm a skilled professional in a leading position, probably spills over into Second Life sometimes and may not be considered all that girlish by everyone, especially not from a submissive girl.

Since English isn't my first language, that also makes me feel uncomfortable about using voice. I'm no way near as good at speaking English as some seem to think I am writing it, when I have the time to think, phrase and correct myself while typing. I'm also a bit concerned about voice from my partner disturbing my immersion, if the voice is all wrong with the appearance or if I hear someone panting and jacking off while I want to believe the person is all cool and in full control.

English not being my first language also handicaps me some when typing, since I don't know all the fine "girlish" nuances of it I probably should use. Many of the expressions used among girls nowadays, like "girlfriend", "luv", "hun", "sweetie" and a few others, didn't even exist or had a quite different meaning when I was taught The Queen's English in school some 20 years ago. But then again, of course all this may be just excuses from some rough Midwest truck driver who knows he can't act girlish enough to fool everyone...

I guess I better step off my soapbox now so people can melt the shock of me being somewhat serious in my blog for once. I'll finish of with a few thoughts expressed in words.

my body, Your canvas
my soul, Your light
me, Your art
Your ropes, Your chisel
Your whip, Your brush
Your will, Your sketch
You!