Subbing and domming

I guess this is another one of those entries you who want to read about the slutty bimbo blonde having sex any which way with anyone should skip. For those of you who have started wondering when I will rename my blog to "suz domme" or "suz switch" it may be of some interest though.

For those of you masochistic enough to follow this blog, it's no secret that over the last couple of weeks I've been acting "dommish" three times with three different "victims". Not exactly what you expect from a sweet little submissive, right? I admit the first time it happened I was quite messed up myself as well and didn't quite understand what had gotten into me. But then it's like eating chips or killing people: after the first one the rest goes on auto-pilot, right? Sorry, not quite right.

In one way, the explanation I've come up with, with some help from a few friends who were kind enough to bash my head with the solid old brick to make my two brain cells collide in a favorable way, was really so simple I had to be very blonde not to see it from the start.

I am submissive, and my submissiveness really has three components. The first is an urge to please, and especially those I like and care about. The second is a desire to give up control, and especially to someone I trust to abuse the trust I have in them in the right way. And the third is my masochism, needing to feel some helplessness, pain and humiliation every once in a while.

Even if I can enjoy quite a lot of discomfort and suffering for my own sake when I'm in the right mood, it's no novelty for me to experience pleasure from the knowledge I please my dominant even if the actions aren't directly pleasurable to me in themselves. The step from pleasing a dominant that way to pleasing a submissive I care about by taking control over them really isn't all that long.

Now, I don't really get any direct pleasure from controlling anyone but knowing it's pleasing someone I care about still makes it worthwhile. The hardest part for me is probably that it makes me excited, frustrated and envious from my imagining and wishing I was the one under that control instead.

Part of the reason I didn't see this simple explanation before is probably I've been stuck in the foolish old notion of trying to fit my "tag" as submissive. A submissive doesn't tie people up and give them a hard time, right? Maybe a submissive doesn't, but if it pleases people I care enough about, then I do, regardless of what it makes others want to call me or not.

I guess the reason why I all by a sudden have become so much "domme" is because I finally saw the writing on the wall. Some things happening around me made me realize I don't need to be a "real" domme and go the full distance, which I could never be comfortable with, but stick within limits I'm able to handle. It's silly really, because I told a dear friend of mine exactly that several months back, but I never saw it applying to myself as well.

I'm also not all indiscriminate about who I would want to please by "domming" them. Despite most of the people on my friends list being people I really like and care about, and who I've met in BDSM-related contexts, there are only 7 out of the 26 that I would be willing to "domme" if I knew they wanted me to.

I've also been thinking some about how far I could go to please someone by "domming" them. So far I've only kept those I "dommed" helpless and teased them with sexual pleasure and some denial, and that hasn't been any real problem for me. But I think my limit is where I would begin to feel some real discomfort or pain myself. I think, and partly know, I would be OK with pinching a nipple hard, giving a few playful swats on an ass-cheek, nipping a cock or clit lightly with my teeth, but hardly much beyond that. And if the one I was playing with showed any signs of real discomfort even before that, I would probably back off real quick.

I've also been pondering some on how I would respond if my owner or someone I saw as pure dom/me would request me to "domme" them. In one way it probably would feel strange, but on the other hand I know that the three best dom/mes I know both real-life and in Second Life at least occasionally switch. That doesn't affect my respect for them or make me see them as any less dominant when they've dominated me, even if I've only been dominated by two of them. Actually, my general impression is that the best dom/mes are the ones who have experience from the other side as well.

I think my main problem with domming my dom/me would be me being so eager to do my very best, despite being so inexperienced, that any slip would make me devastated. Not because I would be afraid of punishment for it but because those I truly submit to are people who I think really deserve the very best and then I don't want to fail them regardless of how I'm requested or given the chance to please them.

So, even if some probably would say I should give up my submissive tag and grab at least the switch tag, in my mind my identity is still as a submissive. But whenever I'm in the mood, and someone I care about in the right way is in need, I won't let that identity stop me from pleasing them in ways we both enjoy, directly or indirectly, just like a good little submissive always should be willing to do.