Restart

The last few weeks have been turmoil. I lost my beloved Mistress W, I lost friends and I lost footing in Second Life. All of it has been my own doing because of mistakes and errors I've done. More than once I've wondered why I stay in Second Life and just not leave. The answer is I still have friends here who I don't want to lose. But when I find myself hurting them and causing them grief by my actions and reactions time and time again the doubts about my justification in Second Life rises to the surface again. Last week I would have left if I had only known how to terminate my account. So I was "saved" by my own stupidity and pretty much the same kind of stupidity that caused all this to begin with.

I shut this blog down because of the event when I lost or rather threw my beloved Mistress W away. It was inevitable that I would lose her in the end but I wish I hadn't made it as ugly as I did. I hurt both her and so many others I cared for or even loved by the way I handled things. I spent the better part of a day sitting writing apologies to all those I knew I had done wrong when I realized what I had done and caused. Surprisingly many said they accepted my apologies and forgave me but to say it is one thing and to really do it in your heart is another. And I have no problems understanding and respecting those who haven't been able to forgive me for what I did. My friends map will require quite a bit of rewriting when all this has settled.

Now I have decided to try and give things a new start. I will try not to keep whining at what has been lost but to try to care for and enjoy those friends I still have left in Second Life. This blog will still be much about them, what their friendship brings me and hopefully what I can give them back. I decided to leave my last "old" entry even if it's all wrong now but because that was how I felt then.

A funny thing happened this morning. I faced some of my fears and re-visited Sir R's place that I believed was lost to me together with P and k to visit s who is locked up there. s and I teased P quite a bit about her being domme which is something the sweet submissive absolutely refuses to accept. After P and k left, I decided to join s in self-bondage to try and match her bondage mostly for the challenge of it. Suddenly s turned domme on me and even if it may seem silly with one helplessly tied girl ordering, teasing and tormenting another it somehow worked out in my head. I hadn't been dominated since I parted with Mistress W and I realized how much I missed and needed that. s has really great potential for being domme but she says she still prefers being sub. But at least she gave me a great experience with her little switching.